The Unplanned Delivery

 

I wrote this over a year ago with the intentions of not forgetting the details and sharing with others. Here I am a year later reading it, and so thankful that I wrote everything down. I don’t know about you, but my memory doesn’t always serve me well. Seriously, when you experience a big life moment – WRITE IT DOWN!

Going into this third pregnancy I felt like I knew what to expect. With the first two, my stories were very different, but both natural births. I was ready and praying for the same outcome. The truth is, no matter how much we plan and think we know what to expect, that’s when life does it’s best at stepping in and reminding you – you are NOT in control. Here’s the story of how our Theo entered this world….

It was APRIL 8, 2021 and the timeline of events unfolded like this:

3:50AM – I was woken by a trickle of fluid, so I got up and finished packing up everything and sat it by the door… you know, “just in case.”

5ishAM – I felt another tiny trickle of fluid that woke me up. I was convinced it was about to be game time, but tried to get some rest. I got up and finished packing our bags and got everything set up for our oldest, Ella.

9AM – We had an ultrasound appointment scheduled. Everything looked great, and he was measuring between 6Ib 12oz and 7Ib 1oz. This was followed by a check that confirmed that I was 3cm dilated and a test to see if I was in fact leaking fluid.

11AM – During lunch, we received the call confirming my water was leaking and that it was BABY DAY!!! 

12:45PM – After going to update Ella and give her all the hugs, we checked into the hospital. Within a few hours, we started a low amount of Pitocin to get my contractions going.

5PM – Midwife came and broke my water and contractions started coming on STRONG.

6:45PM – A nurse checked me and I was 4-5cm dilated. We are thinking we are just hours away from holding our baby boy! I remember my pain levels getting to the point that my entire body started to shake uncontrollably. However rough the pain was, I looked at Justin excited because I knew we were finally about to met our boy face to face.

7:00PM – Just 15 minutes later, baby boy seemed to miss the fluid. They tried to put fluid back, but here’s where EVERYTHING TOOK A TURN!

The Midwife found that baby’s cord had slipped. She calmy made a call and the room instantly filled with people… my husband can only estimate 20-30 nurses rushed in. Lights start flashing and announcements were made over the intercom.

OUR HEARTS STOPPED 

This situation was scary similar to one we had just lived 9 months prior at Vanderbilt PICU with our baby girl, Allorah. We were there for every single machine beep, code blue, nurses and doctors crowding the room fighting to keep her alive. The sound of incessant beeps will probably always be a trigger of some sort for us. In that moment, the questions, “How can we be here again!?!” And “Why?” screamed out in both of our minds.

I look over at Justin, head in his hands in anguish and fear and all I can say is, “Everything is going to be okay. God will take care of us.” Yes, I was overwhelmed by fear, doubt, uncertainty… but I also knew that I had to trust God as well. Let me just say from firsthand experience, it’s not the easiest to do when you keep finding yourself in tragic and life-threatening situations.

We had lost our Allorah on July 22nd and now, just 8 months and 2 weeks later… our baby boy’s life was at risk, too. 

They assure me everything was going to be okay as they rush me out, midwife surfing on the bed above me to hold baby’s cord in place. Justin was told he couldn’t come.

7:05-7:10PM – PREPPED FOR EMERGENCY C-SECTION

I’ll be honest with you, my biggest fear every time I go in for delivery has been a c-section. Here I was facing another one of my greatest fears without any other option. All I can do is pray “God please help us,” and ask, “Is the baby going to be okay?” Over and over. Thankfully, I knew the sweet midwife holding baby’s cord in place, and she knew what we had just experienced with Allorah. She stayed calm the entire time and reassured me that God was going to take care of everything. I am so thankful for Ashli Randolph and all that she did for us this day. If it wasn’t for God’s divine care given through her skill as a midwife, our baby may not be here today. We will forever be grateful for her!

Just before they put me under, they check for baby’s heartbeat – NOTHING. They kept checking and still found nothing but silence on the doppler. All I can remember thinking is, “What am I going to tell Ella, that needs this baby so bad?” I remember looking up at Ashli and saying – “Ashli, we NEED this baby boy!” and she knew we did and exactly what I meant. At that moment she knew I meant we honestly needed him to survive. Within minutes, I go under not knowing what I was going to wake up to.

7:28 – BABY THEO IS BORN and cries instantly. THANK YOU GOD!

I am not sure what time I was brought back into the room, but I remember waking up shivering all over and feeling like I may bust at the seems where my incision was. They rolled me into a room where I saw my husband beaming with pride and happiness as he holds our baby boy up to show me. Theo was crying the most perfect high pitch cry. I was miserable physically, but completely relieved and filled with the purest joy imaginable, emotionally. It was truly one of the most amazing moments and feelings I have ever experienced.

GOD IS GOOD. 

I keep thinking over and over again about God’s care. I can identify clearly that the devil wants me to hark on the fact of how unfair things have been for my family: my worst nightmare coming true with the outcome with Allorah and the very thing I feared most in delivery coming true even after all we had suffered not long before. 

LUCKILY I know the devil LIES!!! The truth is:

God didn’t have to give us Allorah, but He did. We enjoyed 14 months of bliss with her that we will carry in our hearts forever. We may miss her every moment, but her light will shine always and hopefully guide many to Heaven. What more could we want for our girl?

God didn’t have to give us this baby boy, but He did. He gave us a healthy pregnancy, and although I have always feared having a c-section, I am so grateful that it was an option because it gave us our baby boy. 

It just so happened the midwife checked me out of instinct and found that the cord had slipped. It just so happened that the anesthesiologist was already in the building for another procedure. It just so happened that all of this happened during a shift change so all the hands needed were there. If this isn’t an example of God and his never-ending care… then what is?

He blesses us over and over again. The fact that we have this baby boy to bring us so much joy, so soon after suffering such a great loss is a GOD THING! Our days are so much brighter with him here and oh how our Ella needed this light. She needed it more than we ever knew and we could never begin to explain our gratitude for such a glorious life-altering surprise. 

God works. God gives His divine care. God does everything in His perfect timing. God gives ONLY good things. We will never know how many GOD THINGS occur in our lives, but there can be no doubt they are happening in them everywhere.

This makes me think of the song:

Count Your Blessings 

When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings; name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.

(Chorus)

Count your blessings;
Name them one by one.
Count your blessings;
See what God hath done.
Count your blessings;
Name them one by one.
Count your many blessings;
See what God hath done.

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings; ev’ry doubt will fly,
And you will be singing as the days go by.

(Chorus)

When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you his wealth untold.
Count your many blessings; money cannot buy
Your reward in heaven nor your home on high.

(Chorus)

So amid the conflict, whether great or small,
Do not be discouraged; God is over all.
Count your many blessings; angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

(Chorus)

All our life journey God blesses us. If we choose to deny the devil and his lies and instead trust in the fact that God is in control… how much more will we be able to see how He blesses us?

As we celebrate Theo’s first birthday, I am just left in awe. How he arrived was not at all what we had planned, but it was no less beautiful! 

For all of you mothers out there that had a delivery that didn’t go as planned, it was still beautiful. For all of you mothers that have lost your babies, the depths of sorrow I feel for you can’t be explained in words. I feel you. I am here for you. I love you! They will ALWAYS be in your hearts and you can know that they are receiving care far beyond what we could ever begin to give them. Live life well knowing that God only gives the good, and know that you can see them again one day!

Here’s to beauty in the unplanned.