A HARD CANDY CHRISTMAS

Christmas is IT for my family! We live for that special feeling this time of year gives and always try to make it magical – especially now that we have littles to celebrate with.

For the past 13 years that Justin and I have been together, we have always kicked off our Christmas season with singing the classics. One of our top favorites to sing is Dolly Parton’s “Hard Candy Christmas” The Dolly love runs deep in our home, and although we have sung this song a thousand times together – never have some of the words hit so close to home.

We haven’t had the heart to listen to this song this year, yet certain lyrics keep playing over and over in my mind:

“I’ll be fine and dandy

Lord it’s like a hard candy Christmas

I’m barely getting through tomorrow

But still I won’t let

Sorrow get me way down”

Dolly Parton’s – HARD CANDY CHRISTMAS

If you are not familiar with this song, you should give it a listen. Aside from this chorus, the singer is trying to think of what she should do at this crossroads in her life and oh, can we relate to all of these types of thoughts. Should we move to a new home, should we celebrate Christmas differently, maybe if we do this certain thing we’ll feel better – the list goes on and on!

You see, it’s hard in our stage of grief not to consider all that you are missing. We only had ONE Christmas with our Allorah Day. I look back at that day and time of year with her in general and I am thankful because I knew in that present time how special it was. Of course, not to the fullest extent I know now, but still, I knew. As I watched our precious girls together last holiday season I remember thinking on multiple occasions , “Wow, it really doesn’t get any better than this! This joy and love cannot be topped.” Guess what, it’s true!

No matter how hard we try to keep our mindset right, that piece of pure joy that was our Allorah Day is screaming, “I’m the missing piece!” with every Christmas decoration you see and every moment you catch yourself reliving a memory.

IT’S HARD!

This first Christmas without our baby girl is going to be hard. It’s without a doubt worthy of being called A HARD CANDY CHRISTMAS!

Yes, of course, our excitement for this time is still there. It is easily taken out of hiding every moment possible for our Ella Louise. Oh how the pure excitement in her eyes lifts our spirits and eases our aching hearts. The thing is, she misses her little sister, too!

She noticed that Sister’s stocking was no longer hanging beside hers (despite my best efforts to figure out a non-weird way to explain keeping it there). She looked and studied the stockings hanging there, but didn’t say a word because she knew I was hurting. My 4.5 year old daughter can navigate emotions in ways I think most adults still lack. I am so thankful for the comfort she gives her father and I daily.

Regardless of how much we hurt, how hard it was to decorate a tree fighting back tears, and the agony it will bring me to walk downstairs on Christmas morning with empty arms where my beautiful Allorah should be – I refuse to let “sorrow get me way down.”

That last bit hits me in the feels more than anything I can think of, but I stop and think of Allorah. That baby girl’s joy and light shines so bright, that I know I would be doing her an injustice by wallowing in sadness. I try to redirect my thoughts to how can I best keep her memory alive – there’s no better answer than to share joy and love.

My Ella deserves + needs a mother that is full of joy and love. My husband deserves + needs a wife that is full of joy and love. I know that if I let go and let the dark thoughts take over – then the devil wins! It’s so true, and man is he great at what he does. All it takes is for you to give in to the negative thoughts and he can take ahold of you. WE CANNOT LET HIM WIN!

NO MATTER WHAT we have to fight to keep our minds right. Whether you are grieving the loss of a loved one or just facing any type of hardship – don’t let him win! Instead, God equipped us with free will and a guide book to handle his attacks. Spiritual warfare can be fought and won with help from passages like these:

“Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.‭‭”

James‬ ‭4:7-8‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

“You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.”

‭‭I John‬ ‭4:4‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

“Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world.”

‭‭I Peter‬ ‭5:8-9‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

I have to stop here and comment on that last verse. For anyone that has experienced loss like we have, I know you can relate to the comfort it brings to talk to one another. Just to know that you are not alone strengthens you in ways that are difficult to explain. To know that you can survive this grief that is many times unbearable and still live a beautiful life – sheds light on the fact that their is HOPE!

I appreciate this word now more than ever!

Hope is defined in the dictionary as:
noun

1. a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen
2. a feeling of trust

When you lose a child, all you can think repeatedly is “I want them back!” You know it isn’t possible, but you wish it so fervently. Even so, in the midst of these thoughts I continue to have a shocking revelation. I want her back more than anything, but at the same time I want nothing more than for her to stay where she is! How selfish is it of me to ask for Allorah to leave the very place I pray that we all make it to. She has been given her robe and crown – what an image to try to imagine and what glory she is able to behold EVERY SINGLE MOMENT!

Our faith is literally what gets us through this sorrow. Because of the faith I have that Allorah is with God in Heaven right now, I have hope that I will see her again one day. This very hope that we can have is only possible because of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross!

No matter what you are facing in life – there is HOPE! Hope that has the ability to see you through any hardship. HOPE is what is going to see us through this first of many HARD CHRISTMASES!

Please, message me if you need someone to help you through the sorrow this holiday season. There is so much strength to be found in each other! Reach out to those you know are hurting this season and always. Most importantly, reach out to God, for He is the very person that can help you win any battle you are facing!

Life is going to be hard, but we can live in joy and love if we put our FAITH & HOPE in Him!